Self Love

Self love to me now more than ever is so important and something I think we all have to learn, but if you already have I think that is absolutely amazing; not everyone has to learn, but I think we would be lying if we said it's not something we have struggled with. Looking back at how I was when I had hardly an self love is so surprising to me. 

At younger ages it clearly isn't something we have to worry about. The only thing we are worried about is how much fun we are having that day, when we get to see our friends. We are just carefree and we have no responsibilities. It's almost like at a certain age everything clicks. You suddenly aren't as carefree, you have responsibilities, and it's as if we stop enjoying life, and even stop enjoying ourselves.

I can pin point the time where I realized I was losing self love, or I had no self love. In middle school I was comparing myself to every girl that walked by. In dance classes I was focusing on how my body looked, rather than what count I needed to be on next. In high school I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But I really, really realized I had no self love when I started cutting. How can someone dislike themselves so much they harm themselves in return? To cause pain to themselves. I honestly have no idea how I got that low, but I know it has something to do with the self love that I didn't have. I look back on those scars I have and truly reflect on how I feel/felt, but I am also reminded how far I've come. It's at the point when the saying "no one can love you until you love yourself" became so true to me. 

It's something I wish I would have learned sooner, self love. I have come a long way, but everyday is a struggle. I don't always love how I look, I don't always feel completely content. I sure as hell have my days, but I also have good ones. Over the years I've almost been forced to focus on myself, how I want to see myself, and who I want to be.. But I am grateful for that. I'm grateful for my struggles. Being content in myself and my life is what I aimed for, and I can honestly say I feel there or pretty damn close. I no longer compare myself to every girl that walks by. Now, I focus on myself and what I need to do to have self love. 5 years ago, I didn't have nearly the self love for myself that I do now. 

It's not worth it to live a life without self love. You are you. You can't change (or atleast so much). Why not love yourself? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

it comes in threes, or fours, or fives, or-

Wow, Hi.. Actual years later.  I truly didn't think I'd ever go this long without sitting down and writing, and honestly, I have been wanting to do this for a very, very long time. I gave myself all the excuses in the world.  "I have nothing interesting to say." "No one's going to care to hear about that." "How do I even put how I'm feeling into words?" I wish I could tell you I have a hand full of drafts I wrote up but refused to post.. but that would be a lie. I haven't even tried. The last thing I ever wanted to do is come back to writing and have nothing interesting, helpful, or good to say.. But this is the first time I've felt compelled to in forever, so here is my reality right now. Excuse my language, but I am currently going through one of the hardest times of my fucking life. I wrecked my brand new car I barley had for over a year. My stalker came back into my life and violated the order. Then, I lost my job and tested pos...
Read more

Lonely Nights

I’ve had many times in my life where I could say I felt lonely, more times than I would like to admit.. Haven’t we all? I mean, I still do, and I never thought I would say I’m thankful for feeling that way over and over again, but I am. Being broken and alone taught me how to make myself happy. I mean, I can’t tell you how many times hearing “no one can make you happy but yourself” made me want to rip my hair out, but it’s true. There is so much truth in that statement that it almost makes my stomach turn because of how long I waited do that exactly for myself. Whether that comes to friendships, relationships, or just day to day life. Yes, people can help make you feel better, cheer you up, or make your day. DONT GET ME WRONG. Keep those people around, hold ‘em close. Keep people around that make your life better, but don’t rely on those people to feed your happiness and keep you content. The sad truth is people can leave, people move forward. In the end, you can only rely on yoursel...
Read more

Everyday Girl, Everyday Struggles

Along with my eating disorder, my anxiety and depression followed. If I could pick and telling you which was worse, it would be those two over my eating disorder. Crazy, right? Bet you didn't expect that one. My eating is a constant struggle, but so were those two. I found them to be worse, only because it was completely different than anything I had to deal with in my eating disorder. Along with my anxiety and depression, came self harm. The reason I say those two were worse than my eating disorder all around is because they hit me all at once. It's easier to tell your self while recovering that "you don't need to purge." "it's not worth it." than being unhappy and anxious and saying "k calm down." or the worst "Be happy." In many ways I could cope with my eating disorder, and it felt impossible with my anxiety and depression. Not only did I have me reminding myself not to purge, but also to try and relax and be happy. During a...
Read more